To raise and educate children well, parents should first ‘let go’ of these things

Parents are the first teachers of their children, but excessive control over their children’s studies can be counterproductive. To raise children well, here are some things parents should let go of:

Raising and caring for children is a long journey. Each stage sees psychological and personality changes in children, requiring parents to observe and adopt appropriate parenting methods.

British psychologist Sylvia once said: “True parental love is to separate the child from their life as an independent individual. The sooner this separation occurs, the more successful you are as a parent.”

In reality, parents are the most important teachers of their children. Modern parents pay more attention to their children’s studies, but sometimes excessive control can be counterproductive.

To educate successful children, parents must let go of certain things.

1. Don’t rush them; children will become more self-disciplined

“Oh my gosh, you are so slow in everything, how boring!”; “Every morning I have to remind you, it’s late again”; “Eat a little more, don’t just pick at your food”… Many parents rush their children this way. However, rushing can sometimes be counterproductive. Every child comes into this world with their own rhythm. If parents always demand their child follow the adult’s pace, it can harm the child’s physical and mental well-being. Moreover, this kind of rushing behavior also makes children think that since their parents manage their time, everything will always be on time, and it can’t be late. This weakens the child’s sense of time.

2. Don’t worry about things within your child’s capabilities

Children have a natural talent for imitation and learn certain skills by observing their parents’ behaviors. For instance, children will learn from their parents how to do housework and clean the house. However, some parents worry that their child will get hurt or tired and prevent them from imitating their actions. If this worry continues as the child grows up, it turns into overindulgence. Children who grow up in an overprotective and indulgent environment develop selfish, stubborn personalities and lack essential life skills, hindering normal development in the long run. Instead of protecting children everywhere and preventing everything, it’s better for parents to let go and allow children to do things within their abilities to develop mental strength and practice skills. Nevertheless, parents should accompany and support their children when necessary.

3. Create boundaries between parents and children

Famous German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger once said: “A good family must have a sense of boundaries.” If a family lacks this awareness, what awaits them is a tragedy. Boundary awareness means that parents should respect their child’s space and ideas, giving them the freedom to think and express personal opinions, thereby supporting them in making the most reasonable decisions.

Ask yourself if you truly understand the boundaries between you and your child to monitor and supervise without invading their privacy. Parents who lack boundary awareness, under the guise of thinking for the child’s benefit, not only invade their private space but also their right to free thought. This causes children to lose their true ideals. They cannot have an independent space on their path to growth.

When children receive respect from their parents, they will be more aware of their actions and life, perfecting their personality and making significant progress in personal development.

4. Don’t worry about your child’s creativity

From birth, children are curious and have their own way of observing and thinking independently. This innate ability allows them to have unique ideas and solutions when encountering problems, even if adults might find them unreasonable.

Sometimes children’s creations are incomprehensible to adults, but don’t criticize or ridicule them, inadvertently stifling their creative inspiration. Parents should respect and encourage their children’s development of thinking, facing problems, and coming up with solutions. Many adults are too generous with punishment and criticism and too stingy with praise and encouragement. This diminishes the magical catalyst that nurtures children’s creative behavior.

During their growth, parents should also remind their children not to waver once they have made their own choices.

5. Don’t interfere with your child bringing benefits to others

Some children are introverted and do not like to be close to others, while others are enthusiastic, generous, and open in relationships. Part of this personality difference is genetic, but largely it comes from parental education.

Many parents believe their child’s time should be focused on studying. This can hinder their communication skills and prevent them from understanding concepts like “sharing,” “helping,” or “caring.” This kind of upbringing creates children who only focus on themselves and do not care about others. Such children do not want to communicate and do everything alone. Their future lives will surely face many difficulties.

Therefore, children need to be educated about “giving” and knowing how to help others to develop a healthy mindset. When children help others with good intentions, they are achieving their own accomplishments.

6. Don’t expect too much from your child

In the family, the child is always the center. From the moment they are born, parents are always worried about plans for their children such as: where to go to kindergarten, elementary school, high school and then university. Job, marriage, then buying a house… what will happen next? This process contains many comparisons, efforts, hopes, disappointments, regrets… Until the child becomes an adult, parents expect filial piety from their children.

In reality, high expectations not only put pressure on parents but also tire the children. If parents can look into the essence of this issue and abandon all expectations about their child’s future reputation, status, and wealth, and instead care more about the peace and contentment in their child’s and their own hearts. If this is done, the task of parenting will naturally become much easier.

(According to doisongphapluat.com)

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